


This Great Black Hole

by lady_icarus



Series: Days That Bind Us [4]
Category: Bastille (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-07 14:52:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11061282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lady_icarus/pseuds/lady_icarus
Summary: Getting what you want doesn't mean everything is perfect.Because living your dream can get a little complicated. There is always a cost, even if you don't realize what that cost is until you've already paid it.





	1. Chapter 1

Dan was starting to love waking up like this, even in the middle of the night with nothing more than the moon filtering through the window shades to light the room. His legs were tangled up with Kyle’s lankier limbs, and he shifted slightly so he was lying more on top of the other. He folded his hands, using them to prop his head up on Kyle’s chest, smiling fondly as the other made faces in his sleep. 

 

His fingers shifted, splaying out on Kyle’s chest as he committed every line, every plane to memory. His fingers gently drummed a pattern that was something between a beat and a chord progression, watching the slow rise and fall of Kyle’s chest, wishing he could live in this moment forever. 

 

Unfortunately, there’s no such thing as forever, a fact he was rudely reminded of with the shrill sound of Kyle’s phone going off. 

 

“...thefuck?” Kyle mumbled, squinting up as he was forced into wakefulness. 

 

“That’s Woody’s ringtone, isn’t it? Why’s he calling you?” Dan wondered, reaching over Kyle to pick his phone off the nightstand. “‘Lo?”

 

“So that’s where you are. You weren’t answering your bloody phone.” Woody’s voice filtered through the earpiece, and Dan winced before putting the phone on speaker mode and setting it back onto the nightstand.

 

“Sorry, must’ve forgotten to plug my phone in. Kyle and I were just....working on music and stuff.”

 

“Right.” Woody sounded amused for a moment before the excited tone returned to his voice. “Anway! Turn on the bloody radio.”

 

“What? Right now?” Kyle asked blearily.

 

“I don’t have time for your shit, man, turn on your radio!”

 

“Alright, alright. What station?” Dan sighed, pushing himself out of the bed and away from Kyle’s embrace so he could cross the room to fiddle with the radio. 

 

“That indie one. Kerrang!” 

 

Dan shook his head, adjusting the station until music slowly started to filter through. He made his way back to the bed, letting Kyle pull him back down before he froze, realization dawning on him. 

 

“ _ Icarus is flying towards an early grave…” _

 

“That’s… that’s ‘Icarus’. That’s our song.” His eyes were wide as he looked back at Kyle. “Woody, that’s our bloody song!”

 

“Right?” Woody sounded delighted, but Dan suddenly found himself feeling nauseous. He could hear the less-than-stellar sound quality of the recording, the way his fingers had fumbled through the bridge, the way Will had played a D chord instead of a G in one bit. It sounded alright, but… this was the radio. This wasn’t some kid listening to a record in his mum’s basement, this was real and happening and there was no telling how many people were listening to their track at this moment. His stomach turned, and he pushed himself out of the bed, crouching on the ground as he clutched his bare middle. 

 

“This is really awesome, Woody. Thanks for letting us know. See you tomorrow, yeah?” Kyle asked hurriedly, ending the call before Woody had a chance to say anything. He pushed out of the bed and crossed the room to shut off the radio, cutting off the ending notes of their song. Dan was barely aware of him crouching down next to him, of Kyle’s fingers carding through his hair. 

 

“It’s alright. Hey, breathe with me. What’s wrong?” He asked quietly, lips only centimeters away from Dan’s ear as he wrapped him into his arms. 

 

“Just. It’s a lot. It’s all… it’s all so much.” Dan choked out, breaths coming ragged in his chest. 

 

“I know. I know, but hey, this is a good thing, right? It’s what we wanted. This is the first step, right?” His fingers kept moving through Dan’s hair, and he forced himself to slow his breathing, blinking away the spots in his eyes. 

 

“Just. Figured we’d have more time. And that we’d be the ones begging the radios to play our music. I didn’t think it would happen like this.”

 

“Nothing’s happened yet. Just some night owls hearing an amazing song that might pique their interest a little bit. It’s okay.”

 

“We need to… to book the studio. Start working on an EP. I can get some new songs ready, and we need to focus on our online presence some, get some tracks available on our MySpace and--”

 

“Dan. Dan, it’s nearly four in the morning. Just. Take a deep breath, take a step back. C’mon, breathe with me.” Dan tried to focus on the exaggerated rise and fall of Kyle’s chest, placing his hand over Kyle’s heart as though he could hear the beat through his fingertips. He pressed his hand firmly against the bare skin of his chest and closed his eyes, leaning forward to bury his face in Kyle’s neck. 

 

“Thank you.” He breathed, not sure if Kyle could hear his words over how muffled they were.

 

“‘S what I’m here for. You’re alright, I’ve got you. C’mon, get some sleep. We’ll deal with this tomorrow, yeah? With the rest of the band. We’ve got your back.” 

 

Dan exhaled, nodding into Kyle’s throat and letting the other pull him back into the bed, letting himself melt into the embrace he was tucked into. But even as Kyle’s breathing evened out, Dan’s mind kept racing, overwhelmed with his thoughts and fears. When the sun rose, he carefully maneuvered around Kyle’s sleeping form to plug his phone into the wall outlet, wincing at the sheer number of missed calls and messages. The immensity of all that needed to be done had kept him awake all night, but as he scrolled through his text messages, he was hit with a sense of calm. He knew what he had to do, knew how to handle everything that needed to be done in order for their band to reach their full potential.

 

He simply had to do it. 


	2. Chapter 2

Dan ended up texting their group the next morning when he was on his way out of Kyle’s flat, letting them know that practice was cancelled for the rest of the week. He had too much to do and there wasn’t a point in practicing songs that he needed to rearrange. Woody and Will didn’t seem to mind too much, just wishing him luck and telling him to keep them posted. Kyle had texted him privately, asking if he was alright or needed any help, and Dan’s heart twisted in his chest as he shoved the phone into his pocket without replying. 

 

It was nothing against Kyle, he was great, brilliant, actually. But it was too easy to get sucked into the warmth of the other’s arms, to blow off actually writing songs in favor of learning every inch of his body. It’s what he’d been doing for the last several days, after all. Even though he’d brought his notebook to the other’s flat, it had mostly lied abandoned on the floor, kicked under the bed at one point or another until he'd rescued it on his way out. 

 

Kyle had admittedly been great for his writing. Between his drunken composition of “Icarus”, and the tweaks Kyle had thrown in during their practice sessions, he was exactly what their band had been missing. Sleeping with Kyle (multiple times) hadn't exactly been a part of ‘Operation Start a Band’ but Dan certainly didn't regret that. It was just a matter of there being a time and a place for everything. And with their song on the radio and the pressure building, now wasn't the time for making out and lying in.

 

Dan ran his hands through his hair after collapsing onto the couch in his flat, letting out a sigh before reaching for his small keyboard--a gag gift from Woody that had turned out to be a wonderful tool for songwriting-- and propping his notebook up on the cushion next to him. He was already sorting through the songs they all mostly knew, lips forming the words as his fingers slowly played the melody lines. 

 

He had ideas floating around in his mind for their internet presence, their next performance, their next single, their next...everything. There was so much they had to do. They’d really only been playing together for a month, maybe more. And sure, there was an undeniable chemistry there, like magic any time they each picked up their respective instruments. But chemistry didn’t write music, and they were all counting on him. They’d spent countless hours in practice, working towards this dream, and now that they were on the cusp of getting their dream, he could feel the pressure building in his head. 

 

Their next record would need to be more than a single, that way they had something to market, something that would show what they could do. As it was, ‘Pompeii’ needed a lot more tweaking before it was ready to be recorded, and really the only song they had down that he would feel even remotely comfortable recording was ‘Things We Lost in the Fire’. 

 

Dan’s fingers paused on the keys, then he started to play a song he hadn't even shown Woody or Will yet, a smile on his lips as he recalled Kyle drunkenly singing to him that night. He remembered that swooping sensation in his stomach when Kyle had grabbed his sweater in his hands and pulled him closer, that moment of staring into the other’s eyes and feeling like he was falling off a cliff only to be caught up in the waves of Kyle kissing him as though his very life depended on it and feeling Kyle’s heartbeat beneath his palm and--

 

_ /Now’s as good a time as any./  _ He decided quickly, shaking his head to clear it before jotting a few notes in his notebook. He returned his attention to the keys, trying to let the memories of that night wash over him without pulling him completely under.


	3. Chapter 3

“Dan, where the hell have you been? We thought you'd died!” Will exclaimed as he let Dan into his flat. He couldn't remember the last time he hadn't been early to practice, and yet here he was, pushing his fingers through-still wet hair and running nearly twenty minutes late.

 

“You knew I was alive. Think Woody brought me chips at one point.” Dan mumbled, letting Will pull him into a half-hug.

 

“Four bloody days without calls or texts. You're a moody musician, I think we’re allowed to worry a bit.” Will retorted, clapping him on the back and pushing him into the room. Kyle was already seated at his own keyboard, looking up when Dan entered the room. His expression was unreadable, but Dan thought he could detect at least a trace of relief, so he chose not to worry about it too much.

 

“You know how I get.” Dan sighed, an awkward smile on his face as he looked over at Kyle again. Kyle finally gave him a brief grin in response, and just like that all the awkwardness seemed to fade between them until Dan was able to cross the room to stand at his own keyboard. He pulled a few sheets out of his messenger bag before he began passing them out, making sure everyone had one copy of each song.

 

“Sorry those are sort of a nightmare to read. I was thinking about what I want to do for our next recording session, and I really want to show our range, you know?” Dan began, only to choke when Woody let out a string of expletives.

 

“You finished ‘Palmer’. How long have you been working on that and you’re finally okay with giving us the bloody sheet music before we’ve even heard you play it?” 

 

“I’ve got notes on things I’d like to hear from each of you on the songs, but honestly I thought we could just… jam a bit. See if you can pick up on something I didn’t. It’s why, um. You haven’t heard any of these. We need to work on ‘Fire’ some, but I think it’s good enough for our next recording thing. Once we’ve got an EP up and out and ready… I think things will really pick up for us. But we all need to be ready to give it all we’ve got. So if anyone has any doubts or misgivings… now would be the time.” Dan looked at Will and Woody in turn, grinning at their obvious exasperation with his question. He hesitated before turning to Kyle, almost afraid of what he’d see in the other’s expression. Those brown eyes seemed to be full of questions, and the worry was etched prominently on his brow. But when their gazes met, his expression softened somewhat, the obvious discomfort melting away as Kyle gave him a nod in response.

 

“I meant what I said. You’re onto something. You want me on keys, or whatever else… you’ve got me.” Kyle said, maintaining eye contact with Dan the whole time he spoke. Dan couldn’t fight the wave of relief that came over him at the words, and he grinned happily as he returned his attention to the keys. 

 

“Right. So… this is ‘Laura Palmer’. Jump in wherever you’d like, yeah? That goes for all of you.” Dan gave each of them a final nod before playing the opening chord, letting his voice warm up with the soft vocal trills before he started on the first verse. 

 

For a practice that was mostly a new-song-demo-debuting-session, it actually went fairly well. He was pleased enough with their progress to declare two of the three new songs ready for whenever their next gig would be, and he knew it wouldn’t be long before they’d mastered ‘Laura Palmer’. Kyle had grinned through the entire song and actually started playing through Dan’s first demo, which made his heart do something he didn’t want to think too much about. 

 

“Did you want to come back to mine?” Kyle asked him quietly once they’d wrapped up, Will and Woody having long since disappeared to the kitchen in search of food. 

 

“Sorry, I’ve got to start finding gigs for us. Parties, bars, anything, really.” Dan sighed, shooting Kyle an apologetic look. “Rain check, though?”

 

“Yeah. Course. Whatever you need.” Kyle reached out, clasped his shoulder for long enough to be meaningful before letting it fall away. “Like I said. You’ve got me.” 

 

Dan flushed slightly, completely at a loss for what to say.

 

“Really. You don’t have to worry so much. We’ve all got your back. You’re not on your own in this. Try not to disappear like that again, yeah? Message one of us at least every now and again.” Kyle’s eyes were full of concern, and Dan’s stomach twisted unpleasantly as he turned away under the guise of collecting his notes from their practice. 

 

“I don’t mean to, but it still happens sometimes. I just… get really caught up in writing and arranging and composing and all of that. It’s like my mind gets stuck in those moments and won’t let me go until I’ve finished.” Dan ran a hand through his hair, tugging on the strands in frustration before Kyle gently pried it away from his head.

 

“I’m starting to get that. I’ve not been playing with you all long, but… I get it, Dan. I do. I just worry. But I’m not holding any of it against you. What you can do… it’s incredible. And I like being a part of that. But I also get that you’re putting your heart on the line every time you write something new, and I get that you get stuck in your own head about it. I’m just saying that you’ve got a band full of guys who are ready to pull you out of your mad genius descent before you drown completely in it.” 

 

Dan finally smiled at that, a surprisingly easy response considering how heavy his chest was starting to feel. “You kidding me? I’m dragging you lot down the rabbit hole with me.”

 

Kyle’s answering smile helped soothe any of the remaining tension in Dan’s chest. He wanted to say something, but was cut off by the sound of Woody yelling for them to help him order dinner for the night. Whatever else needed to be said could wait. They had all the time in the world.


	4. Chapter 4

Dan wasn’t entirely sure how long he’d been buried in his own head this time around, but he was very aware of Kyle’s singing blending in with his own, the softest hint of complimentary chords playing behind the notes he was tapping out. His hand stilled on the keys, and he looked over at the other in surprise.

 

“How long have you been here?”

 

“Last three songs. I like this one. It’s good. Familiar.” Kyle shrugged, reaching forward to tap the notebook on Dan’s lap. 

 

“Shouldn’t be. I think I’ve only just written it.” Dan frowned in confusion, surprising himself as he passed the notebook over to Kyle. He was already nearing the end of this one and would likely need to start a new one soon, but he was reluctant to do so. Starting something new was terrifying, and there was already enough of that going on without having to buy a new notebook, thank you very much. 

 

“No, just. This line here? About waking with your thoughts and being afraid of being alone? I just. Feel like we’ve talked about it before, that’s all. Starting to get the feeling that déjà vu is going to be a recurring thing with your music.” Kyle teased lightly, passing the notebook back over. “So you wanna tell me what’s going on, or…?”

 

“Well. We’ve been pushing a lot of our stuff online, right? And that gig last week… people actually knew some of our lyrics. I don’t even know all the lyrics all the time, and yet… there they were. Singing them as though it was their favorite song in the world. It’s just... It’s a lot.” Dan sighed, running a hand through his hair only to grunt when his fingers caught on a particularly rough knot. 

 

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s definitely a lot. But Dan… they liked it. Everyone on MySpace and YouTube and all that are all over these songs. Alex Baker over at Kerrang has been in our inbox almost every week for the last month trying to get new tracks. It’s… this is all good, isn’t it? Isn’t this what you wanted?”

 

“Of course. The fact that we’re actually making a bit at these gigs and can start to afford to do all the things we’re planning… it’s great. I don’t want you to think I’m getting cold feet. It’s just… I want it all to be better, you know?” 

 

“I get that. And we’ll get there. We’ve only been really doing this a few months, you know? And when we get in that booth next week and get down the tracks for the EP… All of this is going to explode for us. Which means now is the time when you--” Kyle reached over to pluck the notebook from Dan’s hands again, ignoring his noises of protest as he tugged him to his feet. “--need to be looking after yourself. Disappearing for days at a time, forgetting to eat… it’s not a big deal when we’re not going too hard. But you can’t get into that habit now or you’ll die on our first tour.”

 

Dan felt himself get almost lightheaded at the word ‘tour’, and he stumbled slightly only for Kyle to catch him, steadying him with firm hands on his shoulders. “You really think we’re going to tour?” He asked, voice almost hoarse.

 

“Not if you drop dead first. And that’s exactly what’s going to happen if you keep on like this. Now c’mon. You are going to shower, I am going to go get some take away, and then you are going to take it easy for five bloody minutes before we start going over the songs you’ve been writing.”

 

Dan couldn’t fight the wave of relief that crashed over him at Kyle’s words and he slumped forward slightly, resting his forehead on the other’s shoulder. “Thank you.” He said quietly after a moment, voice steadier than he expected it to be.

 

“I know this means a lot to you. It means a lot to all of us, too, but. I get that it’s different. I’m not going to stop you from doing what you need to do. I just want to help. I’ve got you.” Kyle replied. Dan could vaguely feel lips pressing against the crown of his head for the briefest of moments before Kyle was coughing and pushing him away. “No offense, but you desperately need to shower, mate. Go on, get that handled.” Kyle’s hands continued pushing him until he was down the hall, and Dan finally turned and shoved him lightly back. 

 

“Think I can handle it from here, thanks.”

 

Kyle opened his mouth to retort, a sly grin on his lips, but his expression slowly softened to something softer, almost contemplative. “Right. Back in a jiff, then.” 

 

Despite the clear dismissal, Dan found himself watching the other leave, not looking away even as he closed the door behind him. Something had shifted over the last month, and he knew it was entirely because of the schedule--or lack thereof--that he was keeping, and yet… Kyle hadn’t changed. He was still there, grounding him through every performance, helping him work through the music, tethering him to reality when his mind was floating a thousand miles away. That initial thought, that moment of ‘ _ Maybe this could work’   _ had long since shifted to  _ ‘This works’  _ and as much as he was terrified of the world and the changes they were about to go through, he was even more terrified at the thought of doing it without Kyle. Admittedly, he wouldn’t want to do it without Woody or Will, either, but. It was different. He couldn’t entirely explain it himself, but it was different. And even though they hadn’t...done anything since the night they’d heard ‘Icarus’ on the radio… Kyle was still there. It seemed as though, at least for now, they were on the same page.


	5. Epilogue

Time was such a curious thing. Sometimes it dragged on, trapping them in moments, in drunken hazes and late nights and practice sessions that never seemed to end. Other times it flew quicker than they could track, a whirlwind of recording and gigs and meetings that made them almost long for the slower moments. 

 

This, though. This was one of those moments before the impending storm, when the lights on the stage were still down, when Will was slowly fine-tuning his bass, when Woody was pounding on the kick drum with no particular rhythm or reason. When Dan was mouthing the lyrics of their newest song to himself, making sure he had the flow down. When Kyle was watching him wordlessly, offering a slight smile of reassurance when their gazes met. 

 

It was exhilarating and terrifying all at once, to know that this was their final gig as unsigned artists, to know that they were going in the next morning to finalize their deal with Virgin Records before they started the path to recording their first studio album. So much had changed over the course of no more than a year, and yet when Dan closed his eyes, he could almost pretend they were still in Will’s living room, bickering over chord progression or song arrangement while Woody moaned about food.

 

So much had changed and yet… 

 

Not much had changed at all, had it? 

 

Dan grinned as he stepped up to the microphone, squinting against the harsh lights as they came on. 

 

“Hi, thank you all for coming out tonight... Uh. Right. We’re Bastille.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of this part of their story, but I promise this is not the end of their journey! I'll be posting the (most likely) final story in the next few days, so keep an eye out for that! 
> 
> Thank you for following along so far, and I hope to see you in the next story!


End file.
